you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
