I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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