I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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