Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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