New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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