its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
