oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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