dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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