I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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