You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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