This house was built for laser tag.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
