Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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