i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
