I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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