What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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