That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
