Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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