Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
