Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
