I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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