well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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