At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
