We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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