fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
