Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
