I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
