We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hippo gnu deer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
