I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
