I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
