Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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