my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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