i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
