remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
