Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
