I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
