Umm I'm too high to move.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize