u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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