I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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