as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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