Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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