Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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