quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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