i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
