i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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