If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
