she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
