I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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