It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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