Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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