i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
