i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
