Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
