508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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