Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
