home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
