i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
