I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
