Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
